Things I Have Learned in the Last Two Weeks

Recent Discoveries:

1) Eating a McDonalds Garden Salad while in the restaurant and smelling the french fries does NOT help when imagining that it tastes like french fries. Not at All.

2) After two weeks of plain old borning coffee, Joyce nearly Orgasmed when she had a Tim Hortons French Vanilla coffee that I bought her. It was a sight to see. (don't worry Eric, I don't think coffee drinking counts as cheating, no matter how much she enjoyed it...)

3) It is impossible to eat just one Lay's potato chip. (I have Mark Messier's evil laugh in my head each time I try.

4) The grocery store used to be a place of refuge to me. A place I could go at 10 or 11pm to wander the isles quietly and ponder the self-gratifying benefits of Cheetos and Bacon as an entree. Now, being there just makes me angry. Find me a breakfast cereal that isn't full of sugar, or doesn't have the consistancy of burnt rubber.......I dare you!

5) I think painter's pants make my butt look big. (Sad isn't it)

6) My kids warn me not to eat any of their cool (see - unhealthy & tasty) food when ever I go into the kitchen. i'm beginning to think that they might be afraid of me around meal time...